How to deal with a reading slump

Reading slumps. They suck. And there are already a thousand blog posts/Youtube videos/other things telling you how to get out of them and get back on your merry reading way so this is not another one of those posts. Instead, I’m going to give you a list of 5 things you can spend your slumpy non-reading time doing. I’ve also made sure to give you more creative options than the obvious ‘binge watch 15 seasons of TV on Netflix’. You’re welcome.

1. Drag a bunch of your books outside and lay under a pile of them. Seriously. So nice. Such relaxing. But only in short doses because… outside. *crawls back inside*

Optional extra: Build a book fort in your backyard/local area of grassiness if you don’t have a backyard. Move into this. It’s like camping. But not. Also not great for your books. I don’t recommend doing this if you’re extremely protective of your books. Please note I take no responsibility for any damage that comes to your books.

2. Bribe your friend with coffee so that she will take photos of you while lying under a pile of books. Because you need evidence of being a social human being AND being outside and if you can get both of those things in one photo that’s just bloody efficient.

Optional extra: Bribe your friend with coffee to do other random things. See how far you can take this. If they question your reasoning just tell them it’s for a new project you’re working on that you’re extremely passionate about and if they don’t help you they’re a bad friend and why don’t they want you to be happy and succeed in life why?

3. Discuss The Art of War by Sun Tzu with people. It doesn’t actually matter if you’ve read it or not. In fact, bonus points will be given if you can discuss it with someone who actually has read it when you haven’t. Feel free to critically analyse the work and give very strong opinions based on potentially very limited knowledge.

Optional extra: Explain your feelings about a book you’ve never read (eg The Art of War) using only interpretative dance. Don’t try and tell me this isn’t a great idea.

4. Teach your pets to organise themselves by alphabetical order. This will just make your life easier and increase overall efficiency in so many ways. Only have one pet? Your work is done! Look how productive you are! Don’t have any pets? Borrow someone else’s! So many options!

Optional extra: Teach your pets a routine for entering and leaving the room. Think Von Trapp children from the Sound of Music. If you don’t want your pets singing ‘so long, fair well’ every time you see them then we can’t be friends.

5. Colour coordinate your wardrobe. Because what is more organised and shit-together-ish than aesthetically pleasing colour-coordinated clothes hanging nicely. NOTHING. That’s what. If you’re like me and over 50% of your clothes are black than this job will be super easy for you. If you own a lot of colourful clothes then I strongly advise skipping this step because that just sounds like a lot of work and I don’t want to be the one to make you do hard work. Aren’t I nice?

Optional extra: Dump all your clothes on the floor and lay on top of them and make a clothes angel in them (I mean like a snow angel. Clothes angel sounds weird and I don’t know why). I realise this is the complete opposite of arranging your clothes neatly but let’s be honest… doesn’t this sound like a much more fun option? No? Just me? Carry on…

So there you go. Next time Goodreads is trying to make you feel guilty for being ‘x’ number of books behind on your reading goal, just show it this list and LAUGH IN IT’S FACE because you are a productive human being who is strong and independent and BOOKS DON’T DEFINE YOU. Can you tell I’ve read like 2 books this month (for reference last month I read about 12)… For some reason my Netflix and Xbox productivity has increased though. Not sure why. My clothes are also colour coordinated…

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